The Magickal Record of Fra Geh Mad

Tues. June 3, 1997

Have modem on doing work for finals and when I check messages there are several from the family. My Uncle Jimmy is gravely ill. I am able to catch my brother on the cell phone and he turns around and gets me to go down to KY for a visit. This is very important for me as I had not been able to be with either of my maternal grandparents when they died and felt badly that I wasn't able to help the family get through the process. We arrive at the rest ome very late. It is not immediately clear if Uncle Jimmy knows that we are there or not. His breathing is labored and at a fast rate like a pant. Periodically, he mumbles and restlessly stirs his body as if he is uncomfortable. There is a disturbing gurgle at the end of his breaths caused by fluid collecting in his lungs. I speak to him in a comforting way and pat his brow and hold his hand while standing next to him. He gets more restless, and a nurse gives him some kind of oral medication to ease his restlessness but it is slow to take affect. I use the Reiki I have learned to try and comfort him, mentally willing that he use the energy that I am channeling to him as he wills, either to stay on or to go more smoothly. He settles down almost immediately and appears to be resting more easily. He calls out the name Paul, but none of us know who this might be. Perhaps an old crony from the Bay Horse tavern, or an old army buddy, no one knows. Finally after several hours, we decide to head back home. As we are leaving, my mother leans over and speaks loudly in his ear telling her that we are here and are now leaving and that we love him very much. He respond to this with a discernable, "I love you."

I am very moved by this experience. Luckily, my family is very common-sensical about these matters. Jimmy has made it clear that he doesn't want to have the life in his body prolonged after his spirit has departed and he has willed his corpse to a hospital for scientific study and training. Still, it is very frightening to see his body fight on even after it seems that his spirit is ready to depart. I don't fear death, but the prospect of dying in pain or even prolonged process is quite disturbing.

We get home at 4:00 am. I take off work, but can't afford to miss classes the last week beofre finals.

Wed. June 4, 1997

We have the first meeting to begin the ritual planning for Lugh which we determine will be called the Heart Fire Festival this year. I am very pleased with the initial plans for ritual that arises with a focus on the heart of the community expressed through the levels of individual, each other, and finally community. We arrive at a scheme in which each person will create a token that represents their heart. This will be exchanged in a solar heart dance, which will culminate in the merging of the heart tokens in the sacred fire which represents the heart of our community ritual space. There will be four ritualists at each quarter and they will start the heart dance in what I hope will be a solar wheel formation. Also throughout the day, we will have a series of rites from different traditions to celebrate our diversity. The energy is very good at the meeting and I have high expectations.

Fri. June 6 - Sun 8, 1997

The Kindred attends the Ring of Troth Troth Moot in Indiana. We all have a wonderful time! I am still processing the ways in which this differs from the local community fesitvals that I have attended. One thing that is striking is that there is more of a commonality since folk are all coming from an Asatru standpoint although there is a great difference in flavor between those that worship the Vanir, Odin, etc. The many blots and symbels are wonderful and have a simple resonance that is often lacking in our eclectic pagan circles. I meet many remarkable people: Jordsvin, priest of Frey, whose grace and holyness reminds me of the stories of St. Francis that I was told as a boy, Kveldulf, whose Odinic nature shines through the weakness of his body like a bonfire, Winifrid, who is simply a wonderful person, and many more. The craft work is very inspiring and our Kindred looks forward to getting together with the folks from Dayton and Lexington and again at the Indiana moot in aug.

I am most moved by the Odhin Blot which Kveldulf facilitates. D. L. buys a Valknot and stood himself well at the Blot. That will be real interesting to watch unfold! It is beautiful and I am proud of the way that our Kindred shows itself in this rite. I get some ideas for the Heart Fire rite that I am coordinating, specificly the use of a group chant during the smudging of the circle to focus the energy of the participants on the setting of sacred space and a realization that the formation that we have decided upon is a solar wheel.

Tues. June 10, 1997

Uncle Jimmy passes on... he had been moved to the hospice so his last week is comfortable. When the time comes, there will be much liquor at the ancestor shrine, this I vow!

UC Pagan Studies meets. We watch Spirit of the Mask which is a documentary video of the Kwakikil Northwest Indian's use of masks in ritual. G. is present and intrigued by my reports of the Troth Moot especially Winifred's Care and Feeding of Your Warding Beast on shamantic totems. We discuss the possibility of some sort of shamantic lodge. No need for hierarchy, just a gathering of the animal folk...

Wed. June 11, 1997

Rune study group meets to begin Ingwaz period. Galdor is powerful and there is discussion of possible work to pursue in the future.

Fri. June 13, 1997

Party at D.and L.'s! Have a great time and discuss ritual planning with E. and share insight into last year's Lugh Rite which invoked a very powerful current but caused some imbalance due to an oversight in the design. We manifested the regal aspect of the Sovereign but failed to balance it with te service aspect!

Sat. June 14-15, 1997

Intense weekend! I attend the college graduation for my B.S. degree. The family has a wonderful party for me and I am completely overwhelmed by their generous gifts. How strange to think back to my days in the ashram, not so long ago but very distant like a bad dream. I am moved to tears by a posthumous gift from Uncle Jimmy. Later the current continues at the Kindred meeting with many fine gifts and celebration for me!

Tues June 17, 1997

Dream: very strange fragment. I am aware that several of us are about to consume this smaller human body. My friend G. has their body by one leg and as I watch takes a knife and cuts off the sole of the foot. Inside is a series of several concentric layers wrapped one on top of another.

Wed. June 18, 1997

Meeting at Mt. Storm. Becky does a presentation based on shamantic totems based on the Ted Andrews book Animal Speak. She does a good job but needs to be more confident, we would have been happy to listen to her words over the passages of the book. Again, I am reminded of the current that seems to be gathering for the forming of a shamantic lodge.

P. and I have a discussion about the timing of ritual plans and agree to discuss a prototype flyer at Midsummer. Discuss this with consort and she mentions that a lot of it is simply paying attention to the fauna around you.

Thurs. June 19, 1997

Consort and I perform Full Moon rite. It goes well with fairly nice Galdoring, but I am aware that in trying to fit rite into our busy schedules, we fail to get as much as we should out of it.

Fri. June 20, 1997

Discover that I already have the key to the encoding system used in the Colorodo Old Norse Corpus that I obtained from the Oxford Text Archive. Begin work on the VB Program to translate the old versions into the modern encoding. Consider using this to create a true parser with teh JavaCC suite... time will tell on that.

Go to T. A.'s farm near Oxford for party. Drink Kava-kava liquor and Fire Water Cinimon Schnapp's and about a six pack of stout and porter. Forget to mix with plenty of water... Achieve excellent state of ecstasy and really get into drumming with the folk. Arrive home very late. On the way have a great conversation with S. about the state of the community and he shares some of his insights into the Beltane festival. I hope that we can go into Lugh with a better kind of energy and community awareness... I am optimistic about the ritual planning so far and express same to him.

The Master alchemist mentions during discussion of Kava-Kava liquor that he has made a gum extract of same for use in a particular IX° ritual. I am intrigued!

Forget to drink plenty of water with booze and suffer the consequences.

Not sure of the date for this but, note the passage of a sparrow directly over the front of car heading North as I drive to D and C's home.

Sat. June 21, 1997

Wake up with large hangover and do little for most of the morning. Finally, set out to get ritual supplies for Kindred Midsummer Rite tomorrow. Don't find Kava-kava or Vervain but get the Juniper berries that will be used with the Mugwort as recles (incense) during the rite.

Have a great conversation with J.P. about Beltane etc. and he mentions that he arrived late to the rite and that there was no warder to let he and companion know if entry is appropriate. I will see to this for Lugh rite.

Pick up two wooden mortar and pestles at Mediterranean shop that J.P. recommends. They don't have the herbs that I was looking for but perhaps he knew on some level that I needed them to get back into some work with herbs!

I use to collect mortar and pestles but they all disappeared while I was in the ashram so maybe I'll start the collection again!

Type up the prototype for the Ritual Flyer for Lugh/Heart Fire. It flows very well from the reflections that have been cooking in me since the original planning meeting.

I get home and cook the two bread horses for the rite. One with whole wheat flour for the stallion and one with white flour for the mare and risted with red icing. I used the Kveldulf recipe from Teutonic Religion but was not very pleased with the distortion of the figures when they rose during baking. I think I will try and use gingerbread the next time we need sacrificial bread. Named the horses, Frith and Troth to encode the intent that I hope the Kindred will get from the rite. Arrive at Willow Herb farm for Community Midsummer Rite. A handfasting takes place right after our arrival. J. and M. officiate and seem to do well but there is a weird spectator vs. participant vibe. Community sits on hil overlooking ritual area and most of the rite is inaudible. I recognise the couple but don't know them...

Mound building rite is cool and very informal. I have a brought a large smudge-stick made by Cindy-Shakti and use it to describe a Elhaz hallowing using the usual Hammer formula and end by vibrating a lare Othela Rune in the center over the mound. I decide to leave this structure intact as this is a permanently dedicated Hof.

Get into drumming and tending the fire in the evening. I am a little disappointed that many folks choose not to plug into bonfire and sit and talk and do music. Not sure if drumming is inferior or currents are just in different space. I did like the drumming myself and enjoyed the women dancing - I mean enjoy watching the women dance...;)

Lord S. mentions to D. how much the Kindred has been a source of growth for him. I heartily agree but realize that I should have voiced this to D. before...

Talk to P. about the initial draft of the ritual flyer for the Lugh/Heart Fire Festival. He is deeply moved as am I in turn. Give a copy to L. and E. whom I hope will tend the fire for us.

Mention to G. about the Shamantic workshop and conversation with Becky about the lodge current that seems to be manifesting...

Sun. June 22, 1997

Hear a bird crying and go to the kitchen to investigate. A small sparow is perched on the handrail crying in an obvious distress mode. I slide open the door and watch as it tries to land on a small ledge on the house next door. It seems impaired and flies in short hops a few feet off the ground. After this first move to the west it glides away to the south.

Read over Midsummer rite from Kveldulf's Teutonic Religion. I like to try and get away from reading ritual text from a book but really like the invocation of the Gods and Odhreirir Rite. Fenris reads the poem from the beginning of the chapter on the heros directly after the invocation of the deities. The Blot goes well and the bread animals are sacrificed with due solemnity. (This should be amuzing for friend Louis...). I especially like the Odhreirir part of the rite. The Kindred joins in the runic Galdor as we charge the horn of Mead. Oddly, most only sip from it so when it come back to the godhi, he must finish it off in one draught. Ah the awesome responsibilities of the priesthood. We use the new Hagalaz formula to set sacred space that Jordsvin used at the Nerthus Blot at Troth Moot. He sent it to me with an outline of the rite, via e-mail. Overall the rite went well, but I think that it would have worked better for the folk to voice their aspirations as the twin horses came about instead of doing this silently. There is much to be said for sending things forth with intent in the presence of witnesses...

Fenris asks me for some very general advice on invoking Heimdallr Godform. His intent is to manifest the bliss in the home of Heimdallr's Hall. Don't know what to think of that... his intent is pure and Heimdallr is very honorable and probably not as grimly just as Tyr!

After the Rite, the Ranger gives me a priceless gift: a small amber bead held in a setting that forms a smiling sun reminescent of the Chesire Buddha! I instantly see it as an extension of the Solar Heart Fire intent of our upcoming festival and resolve to charge it in preparation for same!

Mon. June 23, 1997

Begin to use the Hagalaz hallowing formula in daily meditational work.

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