RITUAL: Temple Blanc Dan-i
WILL: Honor and Respect to the Ancestors.
LOVE: A remembering
SUCCESS: Strong
COMMENT: Family Spirits, the strength of my bones.
Daniel Kemp and Leilah of West Gate went to Calif. to do a book signing. Daniel had a seizure the day they arrived. Hospital and the Drs didn't know if he would regain consciousness. Saw him today and he looked good for what had happened. So many health questions with the men I know, 3 have recently had problems.
Later that evening Mishlen found maggots at the foot of the bed. Very unusual...no food etc. visible. Mishlen says they are a manifestation of a vampyric force feeding on T. The houses protectors forced them out and into physical form.
RITUAL: House Temple, TC
WILL: Union
LOVE: Expedition, both sat before large mirror with slightly crossed eyes.
Our images became one. The third image was not so much a combination of
the two of us as a new figure.
SUCCESS: Strong
COMMENT: I will recognize this third figure if I meet him.
C.A.T. Scan of my chest. Equanimity was fair. A bit irritated with all the fuss before the test. Happy after the test. It seems as if I am either taking a test or awaiting the results.
Spoke to Doctor on the phone. The nodule on my lung is a scar. I am relieved and await telling Mishlen. So, what have I learnt about myself from this? I have two major reasons to want to continue living...I don't want to cause pain to Mishlen and those I love through my death and I want to stabilize the practices I have learnt from the Tibetans.
RITUAL: New Orleans Voodoo Spiritual Temple
WILL: Thanks to the loa, especially Papa Legba and the Ancestors
LOVE: In Temple before ancestor alter
SUCCESS: Strong
COMMENT: This was filmed as a part of a Welsh travelogue on the USA.
So...what have I learnt from this experience with my lungs? I enjoy lists so that is a workable format;
- The number of disturbing thoughts that I usually have did not increase, they simply focused on my lungs.
- I now know in an experiential manner that some day I will die. I have been close to death via accident, etc. before. The difference is that now I know that no matter how careful I am (or uncareful) some body system will break down.
- Long life is important so that one can learn more of the spiritual teachings to take the wisdom and attainments into the next life.
- I need time to stabilize my practice in Tibetan Buddhism. Thelema and Voodoo are stable. They are like flowers that have graciously give me their nectar.
- I have a real horror of being incarnated as a child again on this planet. It has taken me so long to realize what little I do.
-Healing is important. I tended to ignore healing figuring that I would have innumerable selves and innumerable health and other problems. I was more interested in structuring my being in such a way that these inevitable problems would carry less weight with me. (this does not quite catch my meaning)
I still hold to this but the pain and suffering that disease, etc. can bring to those around you is something to be avoided. At least (at most) for their sake healing is important.
- It was not so much death or even the thought of suffering that bothered me, it was the thought of the pain and suffering my death would bring to those I love, in particular Mishlen.
- I worked with the Buddhas for healing. Each morning I asked that Mishlen not die prematurely and that I live longer than her that she not know the pain my death would cause her.
- I am well now and will live a while longer. I am glad I worked with the Buddhas and not the magicks. With magick there was always some sort of trade off. What I gained, someone else lost. This effect is very difficult for me to avoid in my magickal workings. I can avoid it, but there is always an element of risk. The nature of the Buddhas precludes this "trading" effect.
- I missed making plans for the future.
- I started to grow impatient with all the tests and waiting for results. I need to stabilize in equanimity.
- I was beginning to feel a bit one dimensional, as if the nodule in my lung defined who I was, not to friends but to acquintices who had heard of the possible lung cancer. I need to develop a more stable sense of what I am about.
- I have a great resolve now in following what is important in the Work, I must feed this resolve or it will dissolve in the comings and goings of daily life.
- Very definite sense of a lifting of a weight when I got the good news but did not rejoice. I was definitely glad but I felt the sense of solidarity with those who are sick, especially people at work, weaken. If we all could be cured....what a THOUGHT!
- Priestess Miriam was right on, she said that one gets all kinds of cuts and bumps and scrapes as you get older. They aren't very important and who knows where they came from. She (jokingly?) said I might have coffee grounds in my lung. It turned out to be a benign granular scar.